Courage needed

So following on from masters comments. Last night we had some amazing sex I came so hard I was exhausted. I'd had one of other plugs in my bottom all day and he took me easily, after he'd done he got the permanent plug popped it in and then left it there. I asked him why and he said that this had to be my doing and choice. Now up to there I was prepared and ready for it, but I just could'nt press it home to lock it. All night it stayed there I took it out for my morning toilet visit and put it back in. So here I am I can't find the courage to lock it but I dont want to quit and I definatly can't leave the locking tube sticking out my arse for ever more. After everything I have done this year to my body why is this so hard?